Year Ending Post

Well, thanks to both of my loyal readers who repeatedly click refresh, FortWorthHoleInTheWall surpassed 3,500 hits in under 6 months. But seriously, thanks to everybody who stops by to read my ramblings. I'll keep going through this next year, so make a resolution to jack around more at work and keep reading these inane thoughts of mine.

As this blog is sort of a different entity from myself, though not completely, it needs resolutions for the new year. Therefore, I bring you FortWorthHoleInTheWall's resolutions for the year 2000... (I'm so excited Conan's coming back early).

I, FWHITW, hereby resolve to provide meaningful posts without sarcasm, immature humor, or movie quotes; I resolve to post less frequently so as to not lose important messages due to the deluge of shallow new messages; I resolve to write shorter, briefer sentences and posts; I resolve to review that Chili's place; I resolve to give up restaurants that aren't Kosher, clean, or easily found; I resolve to go to some of Dallas' hole in the walls more often; I resolve to be more green, by eating more goat; I resolve to stop going to places that support the drinking of beer; I resolve to meet 35% of my resolutions this year.

If you read that and thought I was serious, I'm guessing you wont enjoy any of my other posts.

My real FWHITW resolutions:

1) Go to the following places in the new year: Tres Joses (didn't make it today), Carshon's Deli, Nona Tata, Scampi's, King Tut, Benitos, Angelos, Bonnell's, Ovation, Saint-Emilion, that Italian place in a house, and Sammy's. This list is not exclusive.
2) Find a good, cheap Chinese restaurant. Preferably not a buffet.
3) Find a good Thai restaurant.
4) Find three new taquerias.
5) Find another breakfast place.

I would like to do all of this, without gaining 30 pounds.

In case you were wondering, beginning in the new year, I will have reviews on ONG's chicken and dumplings, Trinity Bistro, and some of my favorite places that are outside the Fort Worth area (don't worry, none of them are in Dallas).

I hope both of you resolve to continue reading. Thanks.

Tres Joses

Today was to be the day. I left early so I could get there for some of their famous breakfast burritos. I pulled into the parking lot at 7:30 as somebody paid for their burritos. After summoning the necessary courage and scrounging around to find five or six quarters, I made my way to Uno Jose. Before he opened his mouth, his eyes told me everything I needed to know.

There were no more burritos. At 7:30 in the morning, on a Friday between two holidays.

Help me with this. Were this many people purchasing burritos today, or do the Three Joes only make 12 burritos. I mean, I know 7:30 is not exactly early, but its not late either. The Cupcake Cottage can stay open for at least two hours on Saturdays. Surely I don't have to go at 6 to get burritos.

Anyways, I'll try again. Can everybody not go to Tres Joses on Monday of this coming week so I can score a 'rito? Or, if somebody knows one of the Joses, please have him hold onto an extra burrito until I get there. I'll be the guy with the nervous, anxious look on my face.

Massey's

Need a meal to transition you from the super hefty Christmas day meal to the "I'm really going on a diet this year" New Year's meal of black-eyed peas and salad?

If so, this really is a good place to go. It's like Fat Tuesday. Before you give up all things delicious for three weeks (isn't that when everybody reverts off their NYE diet?), you should go get chicken fried steak, fried squash, and mashed potatoes from Massey's.

This place is like a coronary with a rock wall inside. Actually, the rock wall is quite a good metaphor for the impact Massey's will have on your heart. Imagine a giant wall of blockage in your arteries. ...mmm...chicken fried steak wall....

With all that being said, you know you want to go. The chicken fried steak is great here. Somebody recommended it after I commented on the ONG CFS. I have to give the edge to Massey's on this one. Granted, Massey's is dedicated to the art of frying chicken steaks so its not really a fair competition.

For those of you who are new to...well, life... chicken fried steak is not chicken. I know many of you are asking, why I even need to say that. Its because, in law school, one of my friends looked at my chicken fried steak and said, "that doesn't look right, is it supposed to be gray on the inside? I thought chicken was white." No kidding. A 25 year old man who was born and raised in Texas and did not know CFS was actually a "steak" that was fried like a chicken. Of course that was my fault. Why was I about to take a bite of CFS that wasn't so completely covered in gravy is still a mystery to me.

So back to Massey's. When I went, I opted for the fried squash because I hate my body but love my tongue. That sounds odd. Anyways, it was delicious. Sometimes you just need something fried to sop up all the gravy and extra potatoes. Fried squash works well for this. Its piping hot on the inside and crispy on the out. It also gives you the opportunity to incorporate ranch dressing into your dinner. Always a plus.

This seems like a place you see on movies where the people are always real down and out and they go into a restaurant nearby and smoke a pack of cigarettes while complaining about something or scheming something. Except everybody in Massey's has a big smile on their face because it's like saying "Cheese", you just can't help but smile.

Anybody who doesn't smile while eating chicken fried steak is obviously a communist. If you find one of these people in your life, abandon your friendship with them and move on. These are the people that make Santa cry.

By the way, I would highly recommend you ask Flo what the soup Du Jour is. Last time it was the soup of the day. Mmm, that sounds good.

They apparently have other food but don't bother. Its neither chicken fried steak or fried squash so its a waste of valuable stomach space. But go before you start working on that new and improved you. The next day, you will have some serious motivation to go run.

Massey's is on 8th Ave, south of Park Place.

Piranha Update

I wanted to mention a few observations based on my last two visits.

First: The salmon skin roll tastes like burnt nasty fish. Its what I imagine a gulp of water from the Trinity tastes like in August. I've heard these are good so it may have just been mine. But I wont be trying again to find out. This is the only thing I have not liked at Piranha.

Second: The Mexican roll is quite possibly the best roll for a new sushi eater. It tastes great, has no fish on top and it comes with a side of pico de gallo. It's also one of my favorites now.

Third: The On The Beach roll is also very delicious.

Fourth: So is the spicy tuna roll.

Fifth: Why do they sit people so close when the entire side of tables is empty? Space us out a little more please.

Tres Joses and Melis Taqueria

I'm combining these because my trip to both of these occurred in the everlasting quest for breakfast burritos.

Tres Joses has been recommended to me by tons of people and I have notarized documents telling me that its good. Oh really? Then how come they don't open until 11? What kind of breakfast burrito place opens at 11? Who lies to people and tells them to go eat breakfast burritos at a place that isn't even open to sell breakfast burritos?

Also, how come the lady inside Tres Joses at 10 in the morning can't recommend a good place for breakfast burritos? You're telling me that a person who chooses to work at a mexican restaurant (and therefore presumably likes mexican food) cannot recommend a place to get breakfast burritos? She might as well have said "I heard McDonalds sell them now."

So, needless to say, Tres Joses is on my list of places that I'll complain about until I eat there and love it and stop complaining.

Since the three Joses couldn't help me, I went to Melis Taqueria on Vickery. This place looks like a shed with a porch. Plus, there was a shooting there a few weeks ago (nobody died). What can I say, I like to live on the edge. I'm a danger seeker. So, up I pulled, in my pastel polo, with knit cardigan draped over my shoulder. My boat shoes had been freshly oiled so the leather would repel any errant wave spray. I was ready for a breakfast burrito.

The breakfast burrito (or taco, if you like) is good here. The tortilla is warmed independent of the rest of the food and has just enough crisp to be its own item. The eggs, bacon, potato, cheese, and beans melded nicely and all seemed to have good flavor. But the best part was the hot sauce. It was spicy enough to give you a little wake up call (I had liberally basted my burrito with this sauce) but not so much that you can't taste happiness for the rest of your life.

If you go, I have two recommendations. Don't order the coffee, and if you order the coke, ask for the glass bottle. Then it will be a real mexican taco stand adventure. I don't care if its 9 in the morning. Get a glass bottle of coke like all the other people there and enjoy yourself. You're already going to be fat if you go to 10% of the restaurants I recommend. Why not be fat and hyper?

I'll post an update after I go for lunch one day to get the tacos al pastor.

Melis is on Vickery between Hulen and Montgomery, west of the Swiss Bakery and the strip with the Discount Liquor (I didn't know I shopped at premium liquor stores).

Tres Joses is on White Settlement at the big curve. Its never open when I want it to be open. Its on my list.

Rahr Brewery

I had a beautifully crafted, humorous post about the Rahr Brewery, its tours, and free beer on Saturdays. The event where the hippies, yuppies, bikers, homeless man, and me show up to enjoy the facilities.

Then I became concerned with my description and I feared that it might give some people the idea that it is a kegger and not a tour, followed by tastings of a selection of Rahr Beers. I would hate to give somebody the wrong impression. Particularly the TABC.

So, I will just say that everybody should go take a tour of the Rahr Brewery, and enjoy four free samples of some great beer. You may also purchase a commemorative glass and get four free larger beers. You can also buy BBQ by Longoria if you bring cash. If you don't bring cash, you can stare at the BBQ sandwich your friend eats in front of you. Jerk. Also, they don't always have food. And when they do, it may not always be pizza. But two weeks ago I saw a guy with a pizza there. So apparently you can get a delivery.

A note about the glass. If you walk in un-glassed, you receive four free small samples. However, if you purchase a glass, your four samples come in that glass. As a finance major, I know all about investments. This is an investment.

You're thinking, "why would I pay $5 for beer that I can get for free after a tour?" Because when the homeless guy walks by you with his Rahr Brewery glass that he paid $5 for, you're going to feel like a cheap, uncaring, small man.

So next time I'll purchase the glass.

Remember, you should not attend this event thinking it is just a party. A lot of people come, but I think they attend for the tour.

Come check it out for yourself on Saturdays from 1-3. I would give you directions but you would have a better chance of getting there by following a blind monkey. So I'll just post the Rahr Brewery link here and over there --->

Oh, and bring at least $4 for a BBQ sandwich and $5 for a pint glass. And remember, come for the tour, stay for the memories...or something sentimental like that.

Pho-Nam - enal

I've had some comments that "I eat too much chicken fried steak and need to broaden this blog." Fair enough. The FDA says you should eat 5 servings of CFS a week but what do they know right? So how about a healthy option?

Pho-Nam is a Vietnamese restaurant on Belknap/377 and technically its not in Fort Worth. Its in Haltom City. But, its really close, and its one of my favorite restaurants. And its my blog.

I'm not sure how long Pho-Nam has been around but I remember the first time my dad brought me to the restaurant. I'll be honest. I was scared. I thought, this is where dad's take their kids and leave them. Well, fortunately he took me with him when he left. Although I could have handled a few more bowls of pho (I don't know if pho is the term for soup but I'm going to go with it). If I have any Vietnamese readers or anybody who knows, please educate me.

First thing to know is that Pho-Nam has been at the end of this strip center for awhile, and its a bit dumpy, but don't let that scare you. Just down the street are newer and cleaner looking places. Don't be tempted by the shiny lights.

I always get the same thing for two reasons. First, I know its good and second, I'm scared of some of the other options. I get the regular size pho with steak (number 15). Sometimes I throw in an order of spring rolls. I also get the iced green tea.

Lets start with the tea. Its green tea, so its good for you. Its iced, so you have something to balance the scalding hot soup. Plus, they give you a lime (which in my opinion is better than lemon which is of course, better than lemon packets) for your tea.

Then on to the spring rolls. I didn't order them this last time but I usually get them. I prefer the spring rolls to the fried rolls, but mainly because they seem more authentic. Also, I used to go eat at a restaurant in Houston called Nit Noi that had amazing spring rolls. So I'm sort of hooked on those. Plus, they're healthier than the fried ones. The dipping sauce is great, but don't forget to add a drop of the chicken sauce. Its not really sauce of a chicken but my buddy calls it that because of the chicken on the front. Scratch that last sentence. It may be from a chicken. Or my friend may be an idiot (and after that sentence, no longer a friend).

Now for the pho-review (not to be confused with my faux-review). This is such a unique dish to me. You get a large bowl of beef broth, thinly sliced beef, rice noodles, cilantro and probably some other stuff. Then you get a plate with bean sprouts, basil leaves, jalepeno slices (fresh, not canned), and limes. If you'll look closely, you'll see that some of the beef is not all cooked completely. But give it a second, because the scalding broth will fix that. You can fix your pho however you care, but I like to throw in five or six basil leaves, a slice or two of jalepeno, some sprouts, and a dollop of chicken sauce. Stir it all together, and wait a second.

You must always wait a second. Here's why. You know those geothermal baths in Yellowstone that will kill you if you jump in? These are the similar, except image doing that burning to the inside of your body instead of the outside... I may be exaggerating a bit. But do you really want to find out if I'm wrong? Seriously, wait ten seconds. It will give you a chance to enjoy a nice steam bath from your broth.

Ten seconds are up, so start to slurp with the spoon that was already on the table when you arrived (health violation? aren't most good places in violation?) even though no spoon can adequately capture those slippery noodles. Then you try and use a chopstick, which makes you look like an idiot: "Hmm, I'll eat soup with chopsticks". But, then you look down, and all you have is a bowl full of broth, cilantro, basil and the bean sprouts you thought would get softer but never did.

So, if you want some pho-nam-enal food and you need a unique culinary experience, give Pho-Nam a chance. For many people (probably not the loyal readers of this blog), it will be one of the places you excitedly tell other people about. "You'll never believe where/what I ate last night". Dull people tell these stories (wait, isn't that what this blog is?).

I've also been told that Sonny's Diner on Camp Bowie has some phenomenal pho as well. Probably the last thing you would expect at a place called Sonny's Diner, especially if the only Sonny's you've ever known was a BBQ place.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that most of you have been to Pho-Nam but I thought it was time to share this jewel with the world. Pho-Nam is at 4045 Belknap, but that wont help you find it. Just drive until you see the non-clean/shiny pho restaurant.

Updates

Lili's - You have to try the gorgonzola burger. I know, they have lots of fancy things there, but you have to get this. Trust me. Don't order it along with the gorgonzola fries though. You will die of happiness. Lili's has asked people to stop dying of happiness.

The Original - The Roosevelt special truly is special. A taco, chalupa (why don't they just give you another taco?), enchilada and bowl of queso. Simple, yet brilliantly delicious. Take a four hour break, get your hair cut next door and eat at the Original. You'll be fatter and balder and better for it.

El Asadero - I'm not a fan of the mole sauce enchiladas. I guess I'm not an authentic Mexican person. There have been signs pointing to that conclusion but I just realized the truth. I still think the green enchiladas cure AIDS.

Tamales - there's an article on the Star-Telegram website about tamales and where to find them for the Christmas season. Many of these places have deadlines to order so check them out soon.

Mama's Pizza

At the risk of offending Francis at Food and Fort Worth, Texas, and never having been to Charlies, I have to thank my good buddy anonymous for the recommendation for Mama's Pizza.

I went here the other night and I'm filing this place in the same place as Fuzzy's. Cheap food and beer. For $8 bucks -ish, you can get an 8" pizza with one topping and a shiner bock....thats draft, Pete. Oh, and the pizza is great. And the beer was so cold, pieces of iced froth formed on the top.

To be honest, when anonymous recommended this place I was a bit suspicious. I mean, pizza...really? I can make a boboli pizza that tastes just fine. It's not even a gourmet pizza place with fancy toppings like Palio's (favorite "gourmet" pizza place - plus its affordable). It's pizza. But this wasn't just pizza. It was your basic style pizza but so much more. I didn't see the option to put poached prussian quail eggs, greek sheep spit or lobster marmalade on the pizza, but I did have the options of pepperoni, green bell peppers, canadian bacon and other things that I don't put on my pizza.

So I ordered one with pepperoni and cheese. That's how I like my pizza at a pizza joint. Plain and simple. If I want all those vegetables I will order a salad. I don't want a salad. I want to die fat and happy, not thin and hungry. If I go to Palio's I dress it up, but we're not talking Palio's here. We're talking Mama's. So back to the subject at hand. Unfortunately I lack the culinary descriptive abilities of Ciao Baby, FW Foodie, Food and Fort Worth, Texas, or even the Startlegram. However, you can trust me when I say this. The pizza is good. Really good. Good enough to make me forget about calling dominos/pizza hut next time I order and go to Mama's.

For those that need it, here's my best shot at a formal foodie review: When the pizza came out the aroma stimulated my noshing desires and jolted me from my gaze upon the brilliantly, yet homely decorative scheme. The pizza was delivered with superb style by a seasoned server who obviously knew her way around a pie. She even went so far as to provide me with freshly poured parmesan powder. At first blush I knew this was more than your chain pizza. The pepperoni was made from old world oni sheep and peppered just enough to tickle my nose with the hint of green peppercorn but not so much as to over power the hint of cashmere. The fresh mozzerella had gently melted on top of the perfectly tangy secret family marinara recipe and it all sat on the most delicately flaky, yet chewily chunky crust. Upon entering my mouth, a celebration began in which my tastebuds each jumped to meet the next bite before the other buds. The pizza melted in my mouth and my molars modestly molested each morsel. After but a fleeting moment in my mouth, I gently opened the orifice in the rear of my mouth and allowed the delectable delicacy to enter my ever developing gut.

That was fun for me. I hope you enjoyed it as well. By the way, the melting I mentioned was actually the melting of the skin on the roof of my mouth. Watch out, its hot.

I promised myself this post would be short so I'll stop with this last note. This really is a great pizza place with that great tasting, original pizza style you had as a kid and we rarely see anymore. There are so few good pizza places that serve a basic pizza that tastes great. Plus, $8 bucks for pizza and beer. Thanks anonymous.

Mama's Pizza is south on Berry, just east of 8th Ave.

Milano's

Awhile back, somebody asked how Palermo's compared to Milano's. Well, I finally made it to Milano's so I can finally comment on how they compare.

Milano's edges out Palermo's in the main entree category and price. Palermo's wins for style (ambiance), dessert and location. So, its really sort of a tie. As with Palermo's, Milano's is not BYOB. Bummer.

I had the chicken parmigiana and my fiance had the cannelloni. Both were delicious and if I'm not mistaken, cheaper than Palermo's. The food was terrific here. The flavors were what I expect from a delicious strip center Italian joint and they reminded me of my favorite Italian place (Armends in Southlake). As I mentioned in my Palermo's post, I am not an Italian food critic and I tend to go easy on these places because my palate is not refined (I think corn dogs should be used more on Top Chef).

Personally, I think chicken parmigiana should be very thin. It is at Milano's. Plus they had a great sauce, so the restaurant won my heart. At Palermo's I had the manicotti so I can't directly compare the two. However, I liked the marinara sauce at Milano's a little more.

There are two things I can compare very easily though. At both restaurants I had a tossed salad with the tomato vinaigrette and the cannoli. The dressing at Palermo's seemed like cold marinara with nothing added. At Milano's it actually tasted like a dressing (with olive oil). I think Milano's won that category. I'll get marinara on my entree, not my salad. The cannoli at Palermo's beat the one at Milano's, in my opinion.

But the real reason I liked this place was that the waiters and everybody we dealt with were very nice, but you could tell they had a little Ital-itude. Italian Attitude. Just made that up. They could be Algerian for all I know, but they acted Italian. I think they even put a hit on me for asking if "Luigi coulda bringa mea pizza pie-yah". [Note to the Promoters of Authentic Sicilian-Texan Authority Party (PASTA Party), please don't have me killed for my Italian jokes. I have an Italian friend so I'm safe right?]

For a quick summary here's what I've got:
Milano's - in a strip center on 7th. Quiet. Yuppy. Cheap. Good service. Great food.
Palermo's - in an old building on Magnolia. Louder. Hippie/Yuppy. Not expensive. Good Service. Great food.

I would say its a tie depending on what you're looking for. Palermo's seems more authentic, but beware, its a small chain (I think). Not necessarily in the bad way. Milano's doesn't have much going for it in the way of ambiance, but its a nice clean restaurant with low prices and good food.

By the way, I know I have to go eat at Nona Tata but I swear its closed every time I go by there. I will make a point to go there soon and review it. And before anybody says it, I understand that its more traditional Italian than Palermo's and Milano's. I'm excited about that since that is my main cooking style. Does anybody know if its BYOB?