Hole Scale

Two and a half years after this blog was started, I have created something that has been needed since day one. A scale of scariness.... sort of.

It has come to my attention that many of my posts are deceptive (i.e., readers are dense) and people underestimate or overestimate the Hole-y-ness of the Holes. Therefore, in an effort to assist you all, each post will come with a Hole Scale rating. That way you have to do nothing but sit and read.

The Hole Scale (referred to as Hole-y-ness or HS) is a five point rating system from 1-5. The HS rating is based on authenticity, scariness, size, location, outside appearance, general ambiance, and popularity. An HS rating of 1 will be given to the most popular, accessible, least scary hole in the walls. A 5 is for the true holes that make many people turn away before going in. For the record, a 1 does not mean the restaurant is not authentic. A restaurant with a 1 may be in a very accessible, safe, and popular area. Below I have provided a few examples of what I expect to be a typical 1-5. The characteristics are weighted in a secret manner in my head that I can't reveal.

The Mrs. and I have discussed the Hole-y-ness scale and it has become apparent that I may have a different opinion than many other people. Therefore, in cases when we have an irreconcilable difference I will include both scores.

Sample Scores:

1 - La Familia, Yucatan, Joe T's
2 - Thai Tina, Tokyo Cafe
3 - The Original, Carshon's
4 - Nonna Tata, El Asadero
5 - Mi Cocinita

An HS 1 rating is meant for restaurants that are real good introductions to your chain-obsessed friends. They are also very popular and easy to find.

An HS 2 will typically be a nice place that is popular but not as much as an HS 1. The facilities or food type may be something that scares some people off. Generally, these will be popular restaurants with types of food that are unique.

HS 3 is for places that are well known to the readers of this blog but the outside appearances will turn off some of your coworkers or cause some apprehension before going in.

An HS 4 may be small, unique or have unwritten protocols that will scary many people away. They will also be places that have odd hours.

The HS 5 is the ultimate in Hole In The Wall statute. Each 5 will be the type of place that you will tell all of your friends about. Half of your friends will think you're crazy. The other half will giddily ask to go next time (Nonna Tata is a 4 instead of a 5 because of price - I said its subjective).

So, that's the scale. Feel free to give me some insight into why I'm wrong. I'm going to work on adding ratings into each restaurant previously reviewed. I'll also answer and provide a more indepth analysis in the comments so keep reading.

Coming up, reviews of Coopers (1) and Nonna Tata (4).

Important Edit - Thanks to Michael for bringing up a good point. The rating system has nothing to do with the quality of food. A 5 is not better than a 1 in quality. It is just a different type of hole. I will explain and discuss the quality of the food in the post, but the rating is just an authenticity, or Hole-y-ness issue.

Fiesta Mexican

Have you been to Hemphill recently? There are a lot of Mexican restaurants there. Probably not new stuff, but I thought I'd tell you.

I went to Fiesta Mexican restaurant recently in case you were interested. It's a large Mexican restaurant south of downtown that serves what appears to be very basic tex mex without all the flash, pomp and circumstance of those snazzier places like Yucatan. But Fiesta is no typical Mexican place because of a unique recognition - best tortillas in North America (excluding Mexico). Or some ridiculous award given by Texas Monthly (who knew they left Austin and Dallas?).

FortWorthHoleInTheWall Senior and I went recently for lunch after the Armed Forces Bowl. It was cold and rainy and the one thing I wanted was carne guisada. Most places only serve this on saturdays but places worthy of my great reviews serve it on week days. In case you don't know, carne guisada looks like dog food but tastes like a mouthful of awesome.

Fiesta does not serve carne guisada on a week day. Apparently they serve guisada res. Which is a lie of a meal. Every time I've asked for carne guisada at a Mexican restaurant and they don't have it, they always say, "we have guisada res" (Tenemos crap). So of course I was suspicious when they said they didn't have carne guisada but that their guisada res was the same thing. It wasn't.

I didn't like it. The meat was tough and the sauce was green. It wasn't carne guisada. It was nuclear dog food. Oh well... "Greatest Tortillas in The World".

I really don't remember what my dad had but he didn't seem to enjoy it as much as he enjoyed having me as a son so this place wont see me again.

By the way, the tortillas were awesome. My atomic dog food came with a bunch of them and they were terrific. I got corn tortillas and they were thick, warm, tender and delicious.

I'm sure many of you consider this your favorite place and I have probably irrevocably upset you. Please let me know why I'm wrong and make me want to go back for some awesomeness.

If you want to give them a shot go to 3233 Hemphill Street.