Thursday, January 28, 2010

Hole Scale

Two and a half years after this blog was started, I have created something that has been needed since day one. A scale of scariness.... sort of.

It has come to my attention that many of my posts are deceptive (i.e., readers are dense) and people underestimate or overestimate the Hole-y-ness of the Holes. Therefore, in an effort to assist you all, each post will come with a Hole Scale rating. That way you have to do nothing but sit and read.

The Hole Scale (referred to as Hole-y-ness or HS) is a five point rating system from 1-5. The HS rating is based on authenticity, scariness, size, location, outside appearance, general ambiance, and popularity. An HS rating of 1 will be given to the most popular, accessible, least scary hole in the walls. A 5 is for the true holes that make many people turn away before going in. For the record, a 1 does not mean the restaurant is not authentic. A restaurant with a 1 may be in a very accessible, safe, and popular area. Below I have provided a few examples of what I expect to be a typical 1-5. The characteristics are weighted in a secret manner in my head that I can't reveal.

The Mrs. and I have discussed the Hole-y-ness scale and it has become apparent that I may have a different opinion than many other people. Therefore, in cases when we have an irreconcilable difference I will include both scores.

Sample Scores:

1 - La Familia, Yucatan, Joe T's
2 - Thai Tina, Tokyo Cafe
3 - The Original, Carshon's
4 - Nonna Tata, El Asadero
5 - Mi Cocinita

An HS 1 rating is meant for restaurants that are real good introductions to your chain-obsessed friends. They are also very popular and easy to find.

An HS 2 will typically be a nice place that is popular but not as much as an HS 1. The facilities or food type may be something that scares some people off. Generally, these will be popular restaurants with types of food that are unique.

HS 3 is for places that are well known to the readers of this blog but the outside appearances will turn off some of your coworkers or cause some apprehension before going in.

An HS 4 may be small, unique or have unwritten protocols that will scary many people away. They will also be places that have odd hours.

The HS 5 is the ultimate in Hole In The Wall statute. Each 5 will be the type of place that you will tell all of your friends about. Half of your friends will think you're crazy. The other half will giddily ask to go next time (Nonna Tata is a 4 instead of a 5 because of price - I said its subjective).

So, that's the scale. Feel free to give me some insight into why I'm wrong. I'm going to work on adding ratings into each restaurant previously reviewed. I'll also answer and provide a more indepth analysis in the comments so keep reading.

Coming up, reviews of Coopers (1) and Nonna Tata (4).

Important Edit - Thanks to Michael for bringing up a good point. The rating system has nothing to do with the quality of food. A 5 is not better than a 1 in quality. It is just a different type of hole. I will explain and discuss the quality of the food in the post, but the rating is just an authenticity, or Hole-y-ness issue.


Michael Bourgon said...

I love how it leaves out the whole question of "but is it any good" - if it gets a rating, one assumes it's worth eating at?

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Actually, thats an important point I forgot to mention. I'll edit the post to include my response. But here's the quick answer. The rating has nothing to do with quality. It's purely based on the authenticity of the place. Or the Hole-y-ness. I don't want people to think a 5 is necessarily better than a 1. Just that they're different. I'm PC and useful now.

Just BJ said...

which brings us to the question: has Thai Tina's moved or just disappeared?

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Last I heard, Thai Tina is still open at the Embassy Suites.

Taco This said...

Nice rating system. Quick question---do you limit your reviews to strictly Fort Worth, or do you include Fort Worth area (i.e. mid-cities). If so, might I suggest NYPD Deli in Euless? I've never had anything other than a sub there---but I have a friend who swears by their hot dogs. Just a thought...

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Taco This, my reviews are limited to the Fort Worth city limits with a few exceptions. Sometimes I think a restaurant is in Fort Worth and liars tell me its in Benbrook. Other times, I just really want to tell everybody about a place I like. However, those places are generally way outside of Fort Worth.

I don't really do mid-cities reviews though. The Regular Joe blog does cover that area, however.

Thanks for reading.

Taco This said...

Makes sense. I've been shocked at the quality of taquerias in Fort Worth (shamless plug):


In all seriousness, who would have thought that little ol' Fort Worth would have such a restaurant showing?

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else detect an insidious left-wing slant to this blog? What kind of commie pinko ginger-balls writes this anyway?

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

You are correct - this blog is the public arm of an underground, communist hole in the wall propaganda machine.

Grapevine Texas said...

Hmmm... seems a tad confusing.

Maybe you should have used a size scale instead of number. That would seem more "hole" appropriate.

Or if you were a government agency, you would use some sort of rainbow/crayola scale that made little to no sense. Maybe your scale isn't so bad after all.

In fact, please disregard this entire comment.

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Comment disregarded.

I did consider a depth of hole scale, with deeper holes being more authentic, but then all I would really be doing is using numbers - just like the scale I'm using.

This scale was run by a number of panels and reviewed by top notch policy persons and engineers from Dubai. It no doubt is flawless.

Thanks for reading.