The holiday season is fast approaching and that means one thing - visitors. But what do you do when your home is filled with family and friends from out-of-town and they get hungry? You take them out to one of the many fine Fort Worth establishments. As part of my required community service I am going to provide you with an exhaustive schedule of restaurants to take your visitors to, so that they get the full Fort Worth Experience (patent pending).
Below are three "weekends of food", which takes into account that some restaurants are not open on certain days. I have also provided options, based on price.
Option 1 - Jobless College Friends Come to Town/Family You Don't Like Enough To Spend Money On
Friday Dinner: Fred's. Get a burger and sit and watch a concert. Or walk down the street to any number of bars. In a year, you'll be able to walk to all the big new developments on West 7th.
Saturday Breakfast: Paul's for Doughnuts. They're cheap, its in a cool building, and for the family you don't like, its a great place to leave them. The drive to Paul's will give everybody something to talk about as you pass through the area just south of Downtown and the revitalized Magnolia area.
Saturday Lunch: Carshons. A greasy sandwich will hit the spot for most of your college friends who had a good time Friday night. For your family, there is pie. Pie brings families together.
Saturday Post-Lunch or Lunch Replacement: Go to the Rahr Brewery. They always have food on Saturday afternoons from 1-3 and you can get in and drink for only $7.
Saturday Dinner: Fuzzy's. Queso, Tacos, Beer - $10. Kids will enjoy watching their mom and dad get drunk. Friends will enjoy the cheap food and drinks. Wear a purple shirt and you can pretend you're a TCU student.
Sunday Breakfast: Ol' South. There will be a crowd, but wait through it. Make all of your friends get the German Pancakes. Half of them wont like it but you never liked them anyways.
Sunday Lunch: Mama's Pizza. Send your guests off with a great pizza and get yourself a beer to celebrate a weekend accomplished.
Option 2 - You and your Yuppie friends who have some money but aren't the $30K Millionaires from east of here.
Friday Dinner: Joe T's. Get a pitcher of margaritas and a stack of cups and wait in line patiently. Weather permitting, sit outside and get the fajitas. I know many of you dislike the food but the fajitas wont kill you. Besides, its the atmosphere that you're going for. After you're done, have the designated driver take you to downtown and have a good time.
Saturday Breakfast: You're a yuppie, admit it. Go to Taverna for brunch. It's good.
Saturday Late Lunch: Kincaid's. Saddle up to the old deli counter and everybody should order a bacon cheeseburger but then split fries or onion rings. Save some room for dinner.
Saturday Dinner: Cafe Piola. It's disgustingly cute in its old house. Order a bottle of wine and enjoy your lengthy dinner. If you try to find Piola and get lost, just go back to Camp Bowie and head down to Winslow's Wine Cafe.
Sunday Breakfast: Ol' South. I know, I mentioned this one earlier, but this works for all kinds. Don't turn your nose up at the coffee...you snob.
Sunday Lunch: Spiral Diner. "Oh look how adventurous we are!" Who needs meat, right?
Option 3 - Your Wealthy Parents or In-laws
Friday Dinner: Lili's Bistro - Great dinner menu with fancy selections, wine, and dessert for your dearly beloved family to pay for. Plus its got a cool interior.
Saturday Breakfast: Vidalia's - Malt Vanilla pancakes, sweet potatoes with gravy, etc. They need your business and you need their southern charm in the morning.
Saturday Lunch: Cooper's. It's BBQ in the Stockyards. It's pricey, and you can kill many hours of mindless questions all while drinking a cold beer and eating some delicious BBQ. Plus, afterwards you can walk around the stockyards and amaze your family with all the touristy stuff they really wanted to see.
Saturday Dinner: Reata. Its probably cliche, but you have to go to Reata. It's not the most expensive place in town but its a classic. You can talk about James Dean and explain how Reata used to be at the top of the Tower before the Tornado attacked Fort Worth. Try to do dinner on the rooftop if you can. They'll love it and you more.
Sunday Brunch: The Modern. Skip breakfast and go for brunch. The food here is fantastic and her parents will think you're a classy upstanding citizen. Until you take them here, they assume you're a dolt who is wasting their daughter's time. Trust me.
There you go. Some of my favorites have been left off, but I tried to give a variety of options. Let me know if you've got any changes you would make.