Thursday, January 15, 2009

Tres Joses

Do you remember my struggles with the Three Joes? Noes? Well read up here and then come back to this post.

Welcome back. As you will recollect, I attempted to go to Tres Joses, only to be foiled by their quick retreat from the parking lot...claiming to be out of breakfast burritos. This was obviously a textbook case of denial and avoidance. They knew the wrath of my word and they were scared. Fair enough.

My adventures in breakfast burrito acquisitions continued the other day as I drove by the Three Joes on my way to redeem a free chik-fil-a sandwich. I had my usual look of snubbery on as I drove by the place that so often broke my heart but something was unusual on this fateful day. Outside, standing all alone, was Jose Uno. And he was waving as if to say, "FWHITW guy, we're so sorry, please come and buy one of our non free chik-fil-a breakfast sandwiches." It was all in the wave. You had to be there to see it.

As I spun my official FWHITW issued vehicle around (thanks to all my readers who routinely send in money), nearly sideswiping a vehicle who got in my way (somebody who was apparently unaware of the importance of the moment) a thought came over me: What if these burritos aren't any good? A previous commentor warned me of that the burritos were over-hyped. But there were so many reasons that this to be a special day: Jose Uno waved at me; I was in the area and they had burritos; I was prepared to eat something unhealthy that morning; I was hungry; I had already turned around. It was fate. That burrito was calling me.

I pulled up to Jose Uno, who was obviously taken aback by my carefully performed emergency maneuver, and asked what he had. Jose Uno stared at me. I stared back. Jose Uno spoke no English. Despite my in-depth research of Mexican restaurants and everything Mexican, I speak very little Spanish. I can order a beer. But, alas, Tres Joses has no Bohemia breakfast burrito...yet.

Jose Uno began to rattle off the list of breakfast burritos in broken English and two things caught my ear: 1) bacon and eggs; and 2) chorizo y jalapeno. Well, I had made up my mind. I ordered in Spanish, "bacon and eggs, y eggs, chorizo, y jalapeno". I was so excited. I threw my money at Jose Uno and nearly peed myself as Jose Dos came out while Jose Uno ran in to get my bacon and egg burrito and my egg, chorizo y jalapeno burrito. Jose Dos and I got to talking about the business, his family, the cold and then he told me what he really enjoyed. He enjoyed the chorizo and egg burrito. I told him I was excited about the egg, chorizo y jalapeno burrito. He looked confused. He obviously didn't speak English either.

Jose Uno returned and I gleefully took my burritos and hot sauce. Every second of the drive to work was filled with egg, chorizo, bacon y jalapeno anticipation. The first burrito came out of its delicate foil wrapper and the smell of bacon wafted up to my nose. Why we haven't created bacon flavored cologne, I don't know. I instantly fell in love with my burrito. I dipped it in the delicious looking hot sauce and took a bite. Mmm...egg...tortilla...hot sauce... ... ... No bacon. Maybe the bacon wasn't evenly spread through the burrito. I anxiously took another bite. Again. No bacon. The bacon smell was there. The bacon essence was there. But the bacon...it was not there.

The eggs had apparently been exposed to bacon at one point in there preparation and by Jose Uno's standards, that was a bacon and egg burrito. By my standards, that a Deceptive Trade Practices Act Violation and I will be reporting this to the proper authorities. However, the bacon fiasco was only the beginning.

You're thinking, "have you seriously gone on this long about one $#*$% #$^#$% burrito?" Yes. And please stop cussing while reading my family friendly blog.

It was time for the highly anticipated egg, chorizo y jalapeno burrito. I decided to skip the hot sauce so I could taste the burrito in all its glory. Mmm...egg...tortilla...jalepeno... ... ... No chorizo. No Chorizo flavor, no chorizo smell, no chorizo chunks...Nada. I inspected my burrito with my highly trained eyes which reported that the burrito consisted of eggs, tortilla, y jalapeno. Surely Jose Uno understood me... "Eggs, chorizo, y jalapeno". I went over this statement for hours after consuming the rest of my lie...or burrito...or whatever we're calling it these days.

Throughout the day I would look over my shoulder thinking I heard Chorizo or Bacon running down the hall. They weren't there. But I knew I heard them. I knew they were in my office. It turns out they were never really there. It was all in my mind. But had I dreamt Jose Uno telling me about chorizo y jalapenos? And what about my bacon?

I spent three dollars on lies. The lies tasted fine. But I expected more. I don't blame Jose Uno or Dos. Maybe Jose Tres should take the blame. I don't know. But what I do know is this: the burritos taste fine, the hot sauce is outstanding, Jose Dos is interesting to talk to, and their burritos may work for some but have left a hole in the wall in my heart (which is probably good for blood flow).

Tres Joses will get another review when I've had a chance to eat in the restaurant at lunch or dinner. But until then, my chorizo and bacon lust will continue.

Tres Joses is at 4004 White Settlement Road, by the intersection with Virginia.

Please let me know if you share my sadness or think I'm an idiot.

Tres Jose's Mexican on Urbanspoon

32 comments:

Stephanie said...

So it sounds like their bacon and chorizo are vegetarian friendly? ;-)

7th St. Grill (in the botton of the Neil P.) has good breakfast taquitos. I get the potato and egg ones, but they also have egg and chorizo (hopefully not imaginary chorizo) and egg and bacon (again, hopefully not imaginary).

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Very clever Stephanie. I'll check the 7th Street Grill out. Every time I've been by it seems closed. Are they open from morning til evening or do they close at five?

Michael Bourgon said...

Taqueria San Antonio does breakfast burritos. Their lunch menu is outstanding (puerco verde gorditas FTW), so I'd expect their breakfast burritos to rock, too.

SW Corner of Cherry Ln & Camp Bowie West, next to the Jack in the Box.

Stephanie said...

I think 7th St. Cafe closes around 2 or three in the afternoon. They are not open for dinner. I think they're mainly there for the Burnett Plaza and 500 W. 7th work crowd.

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Michael, thanks for the recommendation. I love a good gordita so I'll check it out. Any special things I need to know (cash only, don't wear a suit, etc)?

Thanks for the info Stephanie.

College and Maddox said...

This is a little random because it's not at all taco related....BUT you really have to try Celaborelle Phonecian buffet on Hemphill. The food is phenomenal (I've only been once...last weekend.) But, it really was great, and only $8.95, and they brought fresh beef and chicken kebabs out for our table!

Anonymous said...

This has absolutely nothing to do with breakfast taquitos, but I have a place that I hope you'll try. I am constantly searching for BYOB places, and I found one last weekend that my husband and I really enjoyed. Tastebuds Eatery, 7674 McCart Avenue
Fort Worth, TX 76133
at http://www.tastebudseatery.org/
I didn't see it reviewed on your website, sorry if I just missed it. The entrees were for the most part under $10.00. I'm planning to go back as soon as possible!

Anonymous said...

Try Juans Burrito Express on McCart, just south of Altamesa.

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Good calls anonymi. Thanks for the suggestions and thanks for reading. BYOB places are always popular with me and my boozehoundy brood.

Ash said...

Maybe there's no bacon cologne yet, but there IS bacon lip-balm! see it here: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=9068357

CounselorFrog said...

I just need to say that the last time I went to Tres Joses was on a Saturday night (at a reasonable time, like 8 or 8:30 I believe) and they not only ran out of guacamole, but also tequila. I have never heard of such a disgrace from a Mexican food restaurant. Needless to say that was the last time I will ever step foot in the place.

Anonymous said...

celeborelle is byob also. it is my favorite restaurant in FW and not enough people know about it.

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Ash, that is awesome. Christmas shopping done.

CounselorFrog, thats good to know. I figured it was the kind of place that would work if you needed food but wouldn't be the go-to place in the Fort like La Familia.

College and Maddox & Anonymous, I tried to go to Celeborelle once and it appeared to be closed. Since this blog is run like a machine, I don't have time for people who can't work into my schedule. However, after two positive comments, I have no choice but to go. Anything in particular I should eat?

Thanks to all of you for reading.

David R said...

I'll second the greatness of Celeborelle but the last several times I drove by it was closed...I understand its run by one of the Byblos/Hedarys family. As great as it was I never understood how it managed to stay open; odd location, poor parking and random hours. The buffet is great enough plus there is 6-8 things you can order off the menu at no additional cost....finish things with a small pot of Turkish coffee and baklava. I hope it's still open.

Ok, back to breakfast burritos....there is no such thing as the greatest hamburger or greatest steak or greatest sushi. There is, however, such thing as the greatest breakfast burrito. I've mentioned it before and you obviously didn't give it a try (otherwise you would have "stopped the presses"). Melis Taqueria, 4304 Vickery (just east of Hulen), order one chirizo and one bacon breakfast burrito, both with beans and cheese and I promise you will not be disappointed.

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

David, I have been to Melis. I did enjoy Melis' tacos and it very well may be the best in Fort Worth. But, how will I know if I haven't had them all?

http://fortworthholeinthewall.blogspot.com/2007/12/tres-joses-and-melis-taqueria.html

Thanks for reading.

David R said...

Touche'

Dawn said...

I'm a bit saddened to learn that "real" food places forget the best part of their dishes, much like almost all the fast-food places I've abandoned for that reason. Which came first - the chicken or the egg? Who knows, but obviously they both came before the bacon and chorizo! I thought it was bad when I ordered a burger To Go from a place I won't disgrace, only to find when I got home that the said burger HAD NO MEAT. How do you make a run-of-the-mill, no special requests burger and forget the meat?

I agree with you on the need for bacon cologne. At least a candle would do. That, and maybe a movie popcorn scent too. Actually found a bacon "scent" one time - Went looking for it on Google. It was on a hunting Web site. God knows what that's all about.

Keep up the good work!

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Dawn, good call on the bacon scent for popcorn. But I see a flaw with the bacon candle. With bacon cologne I could locate the scent and lick the wearer to satiate my bacon lust. With a candle I would just be wandering all over a room licking everything. Or I'd lick the flame. You can see the problem.

And Dawn, I had a similar burger experience with the Sonic on Belknap in downtown. I don't mind disgracing them. I haven't been back since. I have officially boycotted that place.

Dawn said...

Well, ironically, my meatless burger incident was perpetrated by Sonic too - the Colleyville location. I figure the company's profit margin should be huge, what with avoiding that huge expense for meat and all. Yep, they're on my "fecal roster" too.

Dustin said...

hahaha, loved the post. Though how unfortunate! I lived in the Crestwood Apartments next to Tres Joses for years and those burritos were a daily delight. They always gave me a sauce cup per burrito, perfect! I used to buy ten or so and drive them all the way up to Coppell for coworkers. Sounds like you liked the flavor, but the actual bit was missing. I'd go back and tell them, and partake once again.

And totally be sure to eat inside. Their margaritas arent what they used to be, but any of their dishes that contains grilled chicken is the best. And the black bean dip they make daily and serve with their chips, magnificent! Dont go too late, they run out of it. And then there's the rice and beans, I know it's simple, but there's just something about their's I love. The chips are fantastic too, just the way I like them. Tres Joses is my favorite mexican restaurant in town. My wife's is La Familia.

Anonymous said...

Not related really, but last time I ate at Tres Joses our waitress was literally eating a value meal from McDonalds at the table next to us. Never going back...

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Dustin, thanks for the information. I do want to check it out at a regular meal because I know a lot of people like it.

Anonymous, thats interesting. You would think eating at the restaurant would be cheaper since most employees get discounts. I guess your waiter was basically telling us all that McDonalds is better.... What has the world come to?

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Alan said...

Had the bacon and potato tacos on my way to work today. They were both good, but it was difficult to find any bacon (although I did find enough for a good CSI lab to confirm the presence of pig). By contrast, the potato tacos had plenty of chunks of potato.

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

Yeah, everybody is so giving with the potatoes. Whats up with that? Do the three joes think we're Irish?

leo wesson said...

have you tried the breakfast burritos at the quick way on magnolia, across from the cowgirl hall of fame? they are tasty. not overwhelmingly mex, but quite tasty.

Anonymous said...

You should try venturing into Northside. Places to check for great burritos are Esperanza's on Main for giant burritos that aren't greasy and super tasty. also Las Pericas down on N Side Drive are really good. and the house behind MG Ellis on N Grove... Aguilera's Cafe.

Rick said...

I just got the jalapeno one this morning, and it was outstanding.

Thanks for the laugh.

(I do have a bit hearburn now, but it was worth it).

Anonymous said...

i live near the tres jose's, and i love this place, sure everyone has a bad day, i think everyone should give them another shot, and the burrito guy its chorizo or jalapeno they don't mix them. should have bacon in a bacon egg burrito. their has been multiple restaurants in an out of this place, they have been their 9 yrs, try them again. and meet the owner, impressive guy!

T.J. said...

I asked the servers at tres joses, and if you go at lunch they'll make you a breakfast burrito in the restaurant. not on the menu so you have to ask for it.

Anonymous said...

I just had a bacon egg breakfast burrito yesterday and it was fabulous! I thought the balance of bacon, egg, cheese and tortilla was excellent.

The hot sauce...please hold me back! I think I could drink the stuff. I actually found this site looking for their hours,so I can go back for the sauce...

Wigwam said...

I go to Tres Joses about 3 times a week for the breakfast burritos. I love them and I love that guy that sells them. There is no "SUPREME BREAKFAST BURRITO" there. They either have bacon, jalapeno, potato (my favorite), chicken or chorizo. All of them come with egg and cheese. These are $1.50 each and are not huge by any means. I must mention they magically stay hot for a long time. I got a couple and got to work, became tied up in some urgent mess and wasn't able to eat them for about an hour and a half. Still hot!

FortWorthHoleInTheWall said...

I never asked for a SUPREME ALL CAPS BURRITO. I also didn't ask for lies. And lies are all I got.