Tres Joses

Do you remember my struggles with the Three Joes? Noes? Well read up here and then come back to this post.

Welcome back. As you will recollect, I attempted to go to Tres Joses, only to be foiled by their quick retreat from the parking lot...claiming to be out of breakfast burritos. This was obviously a textbook case of denial and avoidance. They knew the wrath of my word and they were scared. Fair enough.

My adventures in breakfast burrito acquisitions continued the other day as I drove by the Three Joes on my way to redeem a free chik-fil-a sandwich. I had my usual look of snubbery on as I drove by the place that so often broke my heart but something was unusual on this fateful day. Outside, standing all alone, was Jose Uno. And he was waving as if to say, "FWHITW guy, we're so sorry, please come and buy one of our non free chik-fil-a breakfast sandwiches." It was all in the wave. You had to be there to see it.

As I spun my official FWHITW issued vehicle around (thanks to all my readers who routinely send in money), nearly sideswiping a vehicle who got in my way (somebody who was apparently unaware of the importance of the moment) a thought came over me: What if these burritos aren't any good? A previous commentor warned me of that the burritos were over-hyped. But there were so many reasons that this to be a special day: Jose Uno waved at me; I was in the area and they had burritos; I was prepared to eat something unhealthy that morning; I was hungry; I had already turned around. It was fate. That burrito was calling me.

I pulled up to Jose Uno, who was obviously taken aback by my carefully performed emergency maneuver, and asked what he had. Jose Uno stared at me. I stared back. Jose Uno spoke no English. Despite my in-depth research of Mexican restaurants and everything Mexican, I speak very little Spanish. I can order a beer. But, alas, Tres Joses has no Bohemia breakfast burrito...yet.

Jose Uno began to rattle off the list of breakfast burritos in broken English and two things caught my ear: 1) bacon and eggs; and 2) chorizo y jalapeno. Well, I had made up my mind. I ordered in Spanish, "bacon and eggs, y eggs, chorizo, y jalapeno". I was so excited. I threw my money at Jose Uno and nearly peed myself as Jose Dos came out while Jose Uno ran in to get my bacon and egg burrito and my egg, chorizo y jalapeno burrito. Jose Dos and I got to talking about the business, his family, the cold and then he told me what he really enjoyed. He enjoyed the chorizo and egg burrito. I told him I was excited about the egg, chorizo y jalapeno burrito. He looked confused. He obviously didn't speak English either.

Jose Uno returned and I gleefully took my burritos and hot sauce. Every second of the drive to work was filled with egg, chorizo, bacon y jalapeno anticipation. The first burrito came out of its delicate foil wrapper and the smell of bacon wafted up to my nose. Why we haven't created bacon flavored cologne, I don't know. I instantly fell in love with my burrito. I dipped it in the delicious looking hot sauce and took a bite. Mmm...egg...tortilla...hot sauce... ... ... No bacon. Maybe the bacon wasn't evenly spread through the burrito. I anxiously took another bite. Again. No bacon. The bacon smell was there. The bacon essence was there. But the bacon...it was not there.

The eggs had apparently been exposed to bacon at one point in there preparation and by Jose Uno's standards, that was a bacon and egg burrito. By my standards, that a Deceptive Trade Practices Act Violation and I will be reporting this to the proper authorities. However, the bacon fiasco was only the beginning.

You're thinking, "have you seriously gone on this long about one $#*$% #$^#$% burrito?" Yes. And please stop cussing while reading my family friendly blog.

It was time for the highly anticipated egg, chorizo y jalapeno burrito. I decided to skip the hot sauce so I could taste the burrito in all its glory. Mmm...egg...tortilla...jalepeno... ... ... No chorizo. No Chorizo flavor, no chorizo smell, no chorizo chunks...Nada. I inspected my burrito with my highly trained eyes which reported that the burrito consisted of eggs, tortilla, y jalapeno. Surely Jose Uno understood me... "Eggs, chorizo, y jalapeno". I went over this statement for hours after consuming the rest of my lie...or burrito...or whatever we're calling it these days.

Throughout the day I would look over my shoulder thinking I heard Chorizo or Bacon running down the hall. They weren't there. But I knew I heard them. I knew they were in my office. It turns out they were never really there. It was all in my mind. But had I dreamt Jose Uno telling me about chorizo y jalapenos? And what about my bacon?

I spent three dollars on lies. The lies tasted fine. But I expected more. I don't blame Jose Uno or Dos. Maybe Jose Tres should take the blame. I don't know. But what I do know is this: the burritos taste fine, the hot sauce is outstanding, Jose Dos is interesting to talk to, and their burritos may work for some but have left a hole in the wall in my heart (which is probably good for blood flow).

Tres Joses will get another review when I've had a chance to eat in the restaurant at lunch or dinner. But until then, my chorizo and bacon lust will continue.

Tres Joses is at 4004 White Settlement Road, by the intersection with Virginia.

Please let me know if you share my sadness or think I'm an idiot.